No More Counting Days

I decided to stop labeling each entry with a day #. I think its contributing to my obsessiveness about the amount of weight I am losing. Does it really matter anymore? This journey will take as long as it takes.

So, I was talking to my counselor this week. He made a statement that was amusing but true. He said, "You are always so surprised to find out that you are deeply flawed" Its true...I guess I don't think about myself that way...I do not live in that reality all the time...I live with a sense of competency that sometimes keeps me from seeing my true self...I am a deeply flawed human being, just like the rest of the human race...I think that once I embrace this fact, I will be alot easier on "Me"..I will accept my flaws without sinking to the depths every time I make a mistake and shake them off easier.

I lost my balance for a few weeks. I lost what was giving me direction. My old nature was ready and waiting to take the lead and it did for a while. I have learned that your old nature never leaves you, it is truly a part of you and you have to actively keep it at bay with the tools that God gives you to do so. Every time my old nature creeps up into the limelight again, I need to hack away at it so it becomes smaller and smaller and more inconsequential. This is also a form of suffering, dealing with my old nature. The obsession is part of my old nature. When I heard "Stop counting calories...what God was really saying to me was stop the obsession. Counting calories is a tool...I am the one giving it power over me, I am the one giving the scale power and I am the one giving the unnecessary foods power as well.

This battle is so much more spiritual that I ever imagined. I keep vacillating back and forth between the spiritual struggle and the physical one. When I fight the spiritual battle with the tools like Gods word, prayer, a willingness to suffer through hunger and a choice to eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full...its like the physical battle submits and falls into line.

I equipped myself with Psalm 40 this week. I kept reading it and re-reading it. Its a great "Crying out from a place of distress" passage. I believe I am out of the "Miry Bog" so to speak and I have clarity and strength again.

I have stabilized again at an 18 pound weight loss which I think is amazing after my fluctuating eating habits while in the "Miry Bog"..Thank you Jesus!

Lets see what happens from here in my renewed state of clarity, control and restraint.