Day 2 - Suffering Again

Phew! Made it through yesterday. It was clear to me again as I was going through the day, that I consistently mislabel emptiness as hunger. I ate a small amount of food up until dinner, enough to nourish myself but I remained "unfull" for the entire day..I really felt it. There were times throughout the day when the emptiness did change to hunger and that is when I ate...its so clear..its so simple...when I don't stuff myself full of food, I have so much clarity!!!

Lately, I have been hearing rumors that Directbuy is having some financial trouble. Its to the point that I really do not know what will happen from day to day. I was apprehensive when I went in to work yesterday and the thought of losing this job made me also think " this is the kind of stuff that makes me want to overeat"....Again the clarity!!!! I am clear enough to identify this trigger and hopefully equip myself before it even happens. There is nothing that extra food will do to change the situation. If I lose this job, I will be experiencing a new type of suffering while I am looking for something else...a new emptiness. I will have to embrace this too...not deaden the suffering with food...the lie that I have believed in the past was that this way of eating will somehow make the situation better, if I can just experience the pleasure of eating comfort foods to excess..Reality....it will make it so much worse.

I read Lam 1:12...a few verses about the suffering of Jerusalem after it has been destroyed. I thought that this Matthew Henry commentary below was interesting:

1:12-22 Jerusalem, sitting dejected on the ground, calls on those that passed by, to consider whether her example did not concern them. Her outward sufferings were great, but her inward sufferings were harder to bear, through the sense of guilt. Sorrow for sin must be great sorrow, and must affect the soul. Here we see the evil of sin, and may take warning to flee from the wrath to come. Whatever may be learned from the sufferings of Jerusalem, far more may be learned from the sufferings of Christ. Does he not from the cross speak to every one of us? Does he not say, Is it nothing to you, all ye that pass by? Let all our sorrows lead us to the cross of Christ, lead us to mark his example, and cheerfully to follow him.

The external suffering of carrying around this overweight body is something I desperately want to be rid of...but dealing with the internal suffering is what will bring me true freedom. Dealing with the inside is what is helping me prepare for future "wraths" The external change is coming..because dealing with the internal struggle is finally leading me to the cross.