Suffering

It occur ed to me this week, that I have been trying to avoid suffering again...At night, I snack alittle bit here, a little bit there...its not a full blown commitment to overeating just a subtle denial with easily justified little snacks that all add up to overeating. It just comes at you from every angle, doesn't it..just when you think you have been made aware of the problem and given a solution..the Evil one wiggles in through another crack in the foundation.

As I snack at night, what I am really doing is avoiding the suffering through the emptiness and the hunger. Its my version of crouching down with my hands over my head waiting for the blow of the hungry empty stomach to hit and trying to deflect the pain as much as possible. Its not an event at night where I am sitting down and eating a meal because I am hungry...I wander into the kitchen and open the pantry or the refrigerator and pick or I take a light snack into the living room to watch some tv...its just a small stream of anesthesia, just enough to keep the hunger at bay because I just do not want to deal with it.

I have to deal with it!!I have to meet the hunger head on and embrace it. I was doing that in the beginning, why do I slip back so easily.

We cant cower away from the suffering in life, hoping that there will be enough anesthesia available to keep the pain away. Well, we can do that if we choose but I do not want to live that way anymore. I want to deal with this, walk through it experiencing every bit of suffering God would have me deal with...and then eventually make it to the other side of this struggle. I can not wait to see what the other side looks like. Please God, help me meet this suffering...the hunger..head on!

Later on this morning....I get to Directbuy for our weekly Fri morning meeting and up at the reception counter is three boxes of Danishes. I immediately thought of eating some...haven't I been through this already..haven't I moved ahead far enough in this journey to laugh in the face of this trigger food? Apparently not!!! My choice is to suffer through the temptation and not indulge today. This is so not as easy as it sounds, as my co workers just came up to my desk with a plate full of coffee cake and chatted with me for a minute or two while they ate every delicious bite...REALLY GOD...REALLY???? I mean, do you have to bring it right to me...does the temptation have to be right in my face? Cant it stay nice and safe in its little box in a remote location and be eaten out of my sight line by others????

I have to laugh at this madness before me..its like you are asking me...Amy, who is your God today? Do you really choose me when the pressure is on, when the temptation is at its greatest? I know what you have for me is greater than the false satisfaction that these foods have to offer. The other night I asked Ken to bring home chocolate for me which he did. I ate the huge bar that he bought and I just wanted more...I know if I indulge today...I will just want more, it will never stop..my insatiability will continue if I keep filling myself with the things that really offer little or fleeting satisfaction...and the consequences are great!!

I am hungry and I am dealing with it again for the first time in weeks with the nourishment that God longs to provide us...