Stepped on the scale this morning and recorded my weight. This will be the jumping off point. I am going to weight myself every week or so. I thought about picking a day to weigh every week but I think I will just leave it open and see when I am led to "weigh in".
Wanted alot of food this morning...not sure why. Daniel was a little difficult this morning but nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe I am nervous about going to the women's retreat this weekend. I will be locked in to other peoples food choices...well, I don't really know what the foods will be like...this uncertainty is always terrifying...what if there are donuts!!! Well at least I have many of my pray circle with me. Carrying the burden of the constant food struggle are so distracting and annoying. I have never been able to go on one of these things and just let Jesus speak into my heart...there has always been a thick layer of food deadening the insight..I really need prayer to allow the emptiness to be filled by him, not the food this weekend. I think I have come along far enough in this journey to know that this is really possible...
In the past, I would often use a night away in a different environment to put the struggle aside..."just eat what you want this weekend or night or week and you will start fresh when you return...this is no longer acceptable...what a crock! The things I have told myself to allow the overeating to be permissible....and I believed myself easily...no challenging of thought or action...I do that now...I challenge myself...I have to stay vigilant and there is never a good reason to overeat for me...just like there is never a good reason for a smoker to say....just a quick puff. This doesn't mean that I can't have a dessert or snack...it just means that I have to make the right choices, consistently. We addicts are crafty...we need to be protected from ourselves...please pay that God would protect me from myself this weekend in a tempting environment to say "lets just pick this up when I get back"
I read Psalm 139 this morning..verse 2 "You know when I sit down and when I rise up You discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with ALL MY WAYS! I can't fool you God, like I used to think I could...and thanks to your insight..I can not fool myself as easily either. Don't let me fall prey to my old self this weekend...my old nature still fights for a position in my heart.
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