Mid Day Snack - Day Three & Morning Day 4

I actually started writing this post yesterday, mid-day but got busy at work and then came home to a sick child. It kills me when Daniel has a fever and it all shaky and lethargic...poor guy. At least he slept well and today seems to be feeling better. Daniel is always asking for snacks. He will snack all day, continuously if I let him. I cringe when he asks for a second, third and fourth snack..I guess because I have to make the decision whether or not he should eat more...something I cant do well in myself. When I let him have a second, third or fourth snack, I feel out of control and unprepared. I don't really know how much he should be eating. He is not overweight and is very active. He does have a belly but is it a belly because of overeating or just a baby belly!! Oh, so much obsession to work through..God, please do not let me cause eating disorders in my child...is this inevitable?

I didn't have my quiet time to read a verse or 2, pray and blog this morning. I did feel less control than yesterday. I am establishing some new patterns here, some new habits. I am starting the journey to switch over to food for the mind, heart and soul and less food for the body. Its not going to happen in 4 days. I just need to take it day by day...I need help with that! I am a "projector" by nature and wonder how long I will be able to keep this up? What will happen in 40 days? And then the what ifs??? I seem to walk around on the edge of the negative wading pool and I often dip my toe in to test the water. The problem is that a few feet in, the water grows cold, the bottom drops out and you are sucked under. I just have to stop testing the water...when will I learn this There is no benefit to wading into that pool even a little bit?

I grazed a bit this morning ...mindless eating as I was focusing on Daniel...this is often a problem for me. Its 11:46am and I am just getting my spiritual food for the day...my armor...its like running out the door on a winter's day like today without your coat. You are going to get cold really fast, nothing to keep you warm and thriving.

Here is what I read yesterday - Mid day, I am still chewing on it today...

The thought occurred to me that, as I have time during the day, I can actually open the bible and read...no one will stop me. I easily fall into the mindset of morning or evening quiet time with bible in hand only...(Sporadic as it is)..and then see what the day brings, often falling prey to whatever demon wants to toy with me that day. The thought rarely occurs to me to bring it along and pull it out and re-apply the armor so to speak. I am usually all about tools, so today I went online and read through the first part of Daniel where he and some other young promising men were chosen to be taught about the babylonian language and lifestyle and then trained to be new leaders. Daniel was presented with the opportunity to eat from the kings table, meats and fine wine etc... I noticed that the passage said that they were given a portion. They were allotted an appropriate amount of food from this lavish table. They were not allowed to eat whatever they wanted and whatever portion sizes they wanted. Portion size was important even in this case..hmmm

So then, Daniel refused the lavish diet because he saw it as sinful indulgence and asked for vegetables and water for 10 days. After the 10 day period, they were just as healthy as those that indulged in the kings food. They were quick to learn, sharp in there thinking and they excelled. They avoided the excess and were better for it. I am not going to be eating a diet of vegetables and water...it's just not going to happen but it is clear here that avoiding excess was important to helping them reach their potential. Temperance is what I need to learn...avoiding excess would be very good for me. Its hard to let go of the excess when I have clung to it for so long...it has been my security blanket, my friend, it has brought me pleasure and kept me company. I have lifted excess and oput it on a pedestal..giving it power in my life...almost human status...all to my detriment. I know I am going to have to let go...have I started to let go? I don't know yet. I am going to have to mourn excess food...I know this but am I ready to do it...God, please help me do it and suffer though it and be free from the desire to eat to excess at every opportunity.

It's lunch time now...to my prayer circle...please pray for a root change here!