Sweet Victory - Day 9

Its 10pm and I am finally sitting down to write today and this is not descriptive of how the day went. It was an incredible day and I am so energized I may not even sleep tonight! This morning started out fine. I knew I had a busy day planned and I prepared for the day..meaning I got Daniel's school bag ready and his diaper bag for after school including a sippy cup with juice and some ice to keep it cool in the car. I packed snacks - 3 kinds and then packed all the stuff I needed to meet with my client and go to 2 doctors appts. Now, with all this planning...you would think is I could throw in a healthy snack or 2 for myself. This, focusing on myself and planning for my own lunches will take some work.

So, off to meet my day. I dropped Daniel off and went to Nova Care to have my physical assessment done as required by the bariatric doc. Turns out that they cant just take my word for it that I exercise at home. By their standards I am pretty healthy for my weight and age and have great potential for movement and exercise. Yay!

Then I went back to get Daniel and on the way, stopped to get lunch at Burger King. Nuggets for him...chicken sandwich for me. Now, a Burger King original chicken sandwich is one of my favorite things to eat when I feel compelled to eat fast food. So, we are in the car, driving to my client's home and I open my sandwich. Usually, when I eat fast food in the car, it becomes pretty mindless and I eat all I get and then strongly crave more. Well, the most remarkable thing happened....I stopped eating the sandwich before I finished it. I realized I was full and I took the last quarter of the sandwich back in the bag along with the remaining fries.

This is huge! It may seem like a ridiculous little thing and not a major victory but to me...it is everything. I have not done this, stop eating without finishing something that I enjoy eating. I have to say, I was moved to tears. I knew I was full and I had a choice. I easily could have just finished the sandwich, it was only a few bites. I felt no desire to finish it. There was no need. I wasn't hungry.

I feel like my old nature is in battle with my new nature. This battle has been begging to be fought over the years but I did not engage. I always gave in and admitted defeat before even getting in the first punch". I am all of a sudden unwilling to "give in" to the temptation so easily. Where does this new power come from. Is it from you God? It's not really about leaving 2 bites on my plate, is it? I think it is really about change and harnessing power that has been at my fingertips all along. The compulsion to finish a sandwich or a candy bar or whatever I chose to eat was so strong. Its not so strong anymore...there is a glimpse of healing here...a slight break in these chains that have bound me.

Do I dare rejoice in this small victory. Do I think that this is the end and I will never overeat again? No, I need to stay vigilant...something is really happening here and I want more.

Here I sit at 11pm, alone in my Livingroom with a pantry full of food and no one to observe...I couldn't want to eat less right now...Look what God can do!