I took a lunch today!!! Its late but I took it! I sat down and had hummus and pita with a granola bar and an iced green tea. read over some of my previous posts and it occurred to me that I am westling...I actually chose to go onto the matt with food and I am in the midst of the wrestle. Sometimes I feel like I am going to be pinned at any second and other times I feel like I am about to get the shoulders of this struggle down on the mat.
I have spent years not wanting to even approach the mat. I was afraid I would lose and by giving into that fear, lost anyway. What is it that is bringing me onto the mat and face my fears at this point in life. Is it my ever declining health or the fear of surgery? Or, is it just time,God? I hope its just time. I have been a christian for years but within the last few, have really decided to trust God with my whole life...through singlehood,through remarrying, through the adoption process, through a major job and income shift...he has met me everytime in a deeper way than I could have even asked for. I believe that you are who you say you ae and you are meeting me here. It's not just me on the mat. My opponent pales in comparison to what I have in you. I can eat a meal and leave food on my plate...I can walk away from the pantry. I can pass right by the donuts at work on Saturday morning. I can drive by every fast food trigger I pass on my way home at 4pm....I can be empty...and even hungry and still choose you.
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