Here I sit, after eating my oatmeal, wanting more food. I know these feelings and cravings were not going to go away in one day, this is a battle for my mind and body. I need to win this...so I put on the armor again. Ken and I just prayed together over the phone. We have prayed together here and there throughout the years sporatically. We have never made the commitment to do it daily...we just did. This is part of the armor, part of the support I need to produce real heart change.
Measuring my food has never been a strength, I find it really annoying. Is it because I do not want to be limited with the quantity of food I eat? Am I afraid of the hunger I know I will still feel after eating this limited portion? I ate a serving and 1/2 of oatmeal this morning with way to much butter, raisins and some lite maple syrup. It was good, it tasted satisfying...I want more!
Hmmmm, I do not think I am going to address this "yearning for more" just yet. I want to explore some more of the reasons behind it...but I am aware of it...painfully aware!
Here is what I read today: Genesis 3 The Fall...have you ead this lately. God said they could eat from any tree in the garden but 1, to not even touch it! Did God not want them to touch it because he knew even if they were near it, they would be tempted? Well, along comes the serpent and tempts Eve. Eve sees that the fruit looks delicious. She believes the serpent and temporarily forgets the warning from God.
How many times in my life have I said to myself.."Its ok, just this one time". I turn off the warning signals and everything reasonable that I know about food and how it will effect my body and my emotions to eat the "forbidden fruit", then afterwards, all I feel is shame, anger at myself, dissappointment, despair etc..
If I indulge in that second helping of food,will it satisfy me? I will definitely feel physically more full, maybe even stuffed but It will do nothing to fill the real void...the void, what is that?
Another good morning. I still want more food but I chose to not partake of that "Forbidden fruit"..lets see what God does with that step of faith today.
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I wish we didn't have to eat . For me its hard because I love to cook.
ReplyDeleteI have a hard time with what does god wants from me and why me"?
I hate the fact that i have to look at myself and what do my kids think
its so painful .Amy I see you as a very strong woman i look up to you so much . I Know what every you choose to do i will back you .Praying with ken and having him by your side is great . Vince and i need more of that ourselves and putting god first not 2nd or ect......