The Donut Dilemma - Day 11

Ok, yesterday as I walked into work, I heard a training session going on and was immediately annoyed. I am often forgotten about because I am not there everyday. I walked past the training and looked in...there they were in all their glory....a box of dunkin donuts. Nothing strikes fear in my heart like a fresh box of donuts. I heard their little voices...yay, Amy is here...come hither!!

I thought to myself, no way am I going in there. How providential to be "forgotten" on this particular morning. So I went to my desk and actually forgot about the donuts until a few hours later when I walked into the kitchen and dun, dun, dunnnnn....there was the box of now leftover donuts sitting on the breakroom table. Their leftover status did nothing to deter the urge to move toward the box. Why is the pull so strong? This kind of food just calls out to me and commands my attention. I knew I needed a strategy to work against the beckoning. I quickly left the kitchen. I can not convey to anyone else, how deep this struggle goes and how hard it is to not partake of this forbidden fruit. Donuts, pastries, cookies...basically anything frosted are intense trigger foods for me. They are like a drug...I guess its the sugar and white flour...I believe that there is an addiction here. It is as if a drug addict walked in to their breakroom and saw a big pile of cocaine sitting on the table with no one around.

The thoughts come quick and strong. You can eat one Amy, its just one little donut...how about half, half wont matter (which always leads to the other half and then some)...eat it quickly, no one will see you....just take a peek in the box...just a look (Now this one kills me, just looking in the box causes a great stir and desire to eat what I see...I would have to be completely insane to open the box and look)...finally by the end of the day, the beckoning was wearing me down...I did open the box and look...I closed it quickly as if I had just seen something obscene and left the room.

Whew, I made it....just barely. Again, I am allowing the new nature of control and restraint to overpower the old, self-indulgent nature. Another victory...it was a hard fought battle, again. When will this get easier? I need to not concern myself with that...only the battle at hand.

This morning as I went to make Daniel's breakfast...the desire to grab something quick won out and I ate a piece of buttered toast and then a bowl of cereal that was probably at least a serving and 1/2. I stopped and am now regrouping and putting the armor on. This is a minute to minute battle, exhausting!

I amnot as energized this morning. I need some extra food for the soul. I read 1Timothy 6:3 - 10 about false teachers and true contentment. "If we have food and clothing, we should be content. Anyone who desires riches will fall into temptation...". Its like the donuts were riches. I desire it all, the whole experience of good tasting, rich foods and how they make me feel for the moment but always leave me wanting more. The food that I eat out of hunger..the food that is healthy and the right portion size to give me strength and fuel...this is what I need to be content with. The food that I eat for sheer pleasure or the excess I eat in order to feel a sense of fullness is a snare that will lead to ruin and destruction....I need to look at every morsel of food and make this determination. It does seem excessive but I truly believe that it is the path I need to take to get to freedom. Will I have to eat this way forever...cant think about that...I need to only focus on the food decision of the moment and take it one step at a time.