Well, I got through 2 appts so far and by the grace of God, I did not burst out in tears as I was suggesting the blue sofa...not the red one!! It is really not as silly as it sounds..I am a highly trained individual and these are expensive decisions and it usually entails more than just telling people what color sofa to pick (Just incase you were laughing at the ridiculousness of it all).
Even though I am putting on a professional front on the outside...I am on my knees in my heart asking Gods forgiveness for treating my body the way I have...I am devistated at the realization, finally, of how serious a place I am in...at the condition of my body and my inability to fix it...finally, I am powerless...I have pretended to be powerless over the years...even scolded him for not working on this struggle with me...as if he wasnt.
All this time, I have been waiting on God to help me when, all along he has been waiting for me...HE has been waiting for ME..to take responsibility for where I am and be truly broken.
Oh, here comes my next appt...sigh...I couldnt feel like I have less to give.
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Wow..... But God does his best work when we are broken. Now He can truly heal and mend what's broke deep inside.
ReplyDeleteYou are so bold to share your inner most feeling and temptations to the world - not too many folks could do that. (including me)Thank you for your willingness to share.
I agree. I believe you have to get to your bottom first(which is probably from the 17th) in order to build back up. By writing this blog I think you are realizing so many things about you that you chose to push down and not face. This is a good healing process. Over time, you might not need the surgeries at all but you'll have to wait and see how things progress. I've very proud of you for sharing your feelings and difficult personal situations.
ReplyDeleteI love you
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